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| NIGERIA |
FOOD, NOT FOR THOUGHT
There was a man from Biu
Who built two storeys new
This home faced the bath
He had binoculars
Though you didn’t see him, he could see you.
There was a woman from Calabar
Whose bum as she walked went ra-pa-pah.
Stranger bought her some fish
And she made him a dish
After which he expressed his thanks to her.
There was a boy from the Delta
Who liked the local chief’s daughter.
In advance of his sin
A whole day of fasting
By evening he got a kiss from her.
There was a girl from Kano
Out selling fura da nono
A man with a knife
Mistook her for his wife
Where the girl dropped his pecker, we don’t know.
CONTACT WITH ONE ELDER
ORI IKUNLẸ NI MO WA
I don kneel down for you
I am on my knees
Ẹ KI MI
Una nak me praise poem
You recited my “oriki”
ORI MI SI WU
My head come dey swell.
I lit up with pride.
Ẹ WA GBADURA FUN MI
Make una pray for me
Now, pray for me
KI ẸYIN NAA LE PẸ FUN WA.
Make God nak you sef long life.
That you may live long.
THOUGHT
Science precludes fundamentalism.
MOSQUITO
Let me tell you why there is no God:
Mosquitoes.
Tonight I hold my tongue from cursing
The mosquitoes in my room; thinking,
They are only doing their natural activity
As given by God when they fly stealthily
In search of humans, whose blood they suck.
But would God make insects to have such
Wretched lives as mosquitoes do?
TE QUISIERO
Sometimes I’m so tired and alone
Sitting in my room
In the dark, black night.
In here, I can’t see the stars.
It’s silent with scarcely a stir.
A mosquito whir here, a cricket chirp there,
Just now a clapping sound – was it thunder,
Or, oh God, have gunshots come to Yola?
Laugh out loud – gun toting in Yola.
Maybe I AM tired and alone.
Maybe I want curtains, furniture, electronics, lights,
Or maybe I want all that AND you.
BURGLAR
Someone told you it would be easy:
Grab control of one girl,
Take some trinkets to sell,
Make a little change to
Buy gbana and presents
Buy food and make Christmas.
Fortune favours the prepared mind
But you are eternally unprepared.
Fortune favours the bold.
You? Bold?
Thank God you’re as weak as you’re stupid.
You had the liver to come to my door,
Fucking barawo.
Next time you’ll get a round beating –
And that’s a curse, unfortunate wretch.
SEEKING SENSUALITY IN LAGOS
Away from your
Mediterranean
Ocean spray
Kiss behind the ear
Freshness,
The generator groans
On my last nerve
When rain noises start
(rush, shroosh)
Rise in loud clapping
(papapapa)
Drown out the nuisance.
A wrong is righted.
SUFFERING AND SMILING
We hold these truths to be self-evident:
That where there is a child
There must be a cane.
That before you make ends meet
There will be some pain.
That Lekki is the part of Lagos
Closest to heaven.
That after such a brutal week
We deserve a good wedding.
That Fashola does the work,
Tinubu dey behind am.
That Allahu Akbar
No dey disturb Revival.
Say do me I do you
God no go vex.
Say jazz pass jazz
Na so sense pass sense.
Say my people for village
Never sabi Rat Race.
If no be for football
Man pikin for don crase.
One Nation under Fela,
we dey suffer, dey smile.
“Eko o ni bajẹ:”
this town no go spoil.
WARM FROM WITHIN
Now is not time for new effort
It is the time to simply
Congratulate myself
On how much fun I’m having
Here with my students
In my teaching work.
Surrounded by warmth and love
We’re ready to build technology
And keen to heal our world –
Make it a better place
Make more and more smiles.
“The effort is the prize.”
DOCTOR TIVI DON FALL IN LOVE
The signals all are flashing green
I’m single, searching, ready to begin.
Incisors, canines, ay, I count sixteen.
Flashing baubles too? Impressive. Ka-Ching!
Mama, look here, I have degrees
If our babies get malaria, you’ll be at ease.
With ease I’ll to the rescue – all a breeze
After years of studying overseas.
The signals all are flashing green
Thank you, Lordie. I’m ready to begin.
He’s still grinning; I feel like to show him
Rhythm and Blues: my style of caring.
See my body, muscular and lean –
This kaftan won’t permit but you’ll imagine.
After we marry I’ll still use the gym.
My build plus your hotness: it’s beauty supreme.
The signals all are flashing green
No need to waste time, ready to begin.
Calling triple five, three four five six seven –
He should visit us now that daddy’s in.
My Lady, are you a Christian?
Since I’m nothing if not born again.
Say yes, then sashay over here and reign
By His grace in my world of pampering.
The signals all are flashing green
This is the male, I’m ready to begin.
As Christ loved the Church – no philandering –
So chained to my brood the man will remain.
You have sealed my happiness, beloved queen
I have a plan; first you set the wedding.
When we’re gallivanting on Maui and Fiji,
Tell me if I don’t exceed your wildest dreams.
The signals all are flashing green
Quick! Sew the dress, I’m ready to begin
Especially the part about Pacific loving;
Tivi, I’m sure, has a really big thing.
FIRST RAIN
Our hero
Doggedly made its way here
A thousand kilometers from
Its cradle in the ocean.
Two days ago
When it hung in the air,
Shielding the powerful sun,
Some guessed it was rain.
But not yet!
Doubtless now that it is,
Rain, finally arrived.
I hear the evidence
On the corrugated iron roofing
In the three a.m. silence.
The symphony is brief,
Why, the strum is slowing already
While distant showers plod into dry earth.
There is the evidence again –
The joy, an encore!
How this rain will change our lives.
Next chapter: America
Yalla! Contents
Previous chapter: Exotic
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