Friday, May 24, 2013

The worst movies I've ever seen

1. City of Angels
Nicholas Cage moping for  one, two hours.  I think somebody died or something.  I walked out, although I waited for it to be over first.  You see, I would watch anything. 
Who cares?
 2. The Blair Witch Project.
Summer of 1999 - Remember?  This film was supposed to be scary, "different", realistic, all sorts of (wasted) adjectives.  Instead it was nothing.  I sat there in the theater with a dozen other interns and the film was over, rolling the credits, and I was dumbfounded.  

3 a b c. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars
I tried and failed to watch these.  I recall sleeping hard through these ones.  Lord of the Rings I borrowed a DVD for a week and still slept through.

4.  Mr. and Mrs.
Nigeria celebrates an actress named Nse Ikpe.  I assume she's a feminist, or a self-respecting female human being.  So it's unforgivable that she'd play the Mrs in this film - a woman who lets her cute little husband grossly demean and mistreat her and then cries all the time instead of taking charge.  I wanted to kill her and kill myself and kill all the appreciative viewers in the movie theater who somehow thought this was realistic and maybe even empowering.
I understand that this story of great suffering and endurance by a wife, with eventual vindication and status, is common in Nollywood.  I have seen a few good Nolly films - Inale, Tango With Me, Saworoide and several Yoruba films, even Figurine.  Mr. and Mrs. was an unpleasant surprise, because I thought only the good ones made it to theaters. 

5. Saw
It's a series of sensational horror scenes without a story arc.  I quit after about 10 minutes.  So far a man and woman had chopped off progressively larger body parts - e.g. saw off own arm and quickly add to the weighing scale.  The loser would be killed by the monstrous person who set up the contest. 

What are some of your worst film-watching experiences?


t said...

Also in the top (bottom) ten is I Love You Phillip Morris, hopefully the worst film Jim Carrey ever did.

In the worst hundred, I'll have to include War Of The Worlds, hopefully one of Tom Cruise's dryest projects. Ah, Tom, lucky guy, fun career.

Erik Donald France said...

Yes! Or, really: No!!!!!!!!

I didn't see City of Angels, but I think it's a rip from Wim Wenders slow, stylish 'Wings of Desire.'

'Saw' sounds truly ghastly.

t said...

maybe City of Angels is wonderful, even. It was one evening, one experience, ...