The great thing is I just ate. (I have made a habit of never taking food for granted, or the small privileges like time-freedom.) The other great thing is that I did not eat all of the food - the half that was signalling to me that it would make me feel terrible. Another great thing is that I'm free to drink water, rest, or do whatever I want. The half of the food that is good is the boiled yam. The half of the food that is poison is egg-sauce. I just ate the yam, and the salt on it felt great on my tongue, and the starch in it is familiar and soothes whatever emotional problems I may have. The egg though, even before it was made, the kitchen smells were annoying me. And you know I love food and would often just eat the food with joy, but today I had some sense and threw the egg thing away without even tasting it. I could see ginger fibers in it, and the crazy kitchen smells had included onions, and I'm not talking about moderate quantities here. And the physiological state I'm in now is probably low blood or something, yesterday was the last day of a mildly lively menstrual "period"/flow, not far out of ordinary, just that it felt like it had started a full day before it started enough that I assumed it was and used a tampon that I didn't need - I usually do that "after" the flow has started, yes?, and then I had PMS during the first day of bleeding instead of the day before the first day - by PMS I don't mean there is pain and cramping, just that I might act bitchy - in a text message perhaps, with a boy perhaps - and not know why until the day after when I say hahaha I did that yesterday and it was definitely pms. Anyway, the other reason I would call this period a little lively is that say the usual flow is sorta normal or heavy in the first 24 hours, on day two it may be normal then it fades away like it's giving up, then it sorta comes back for a semi-normal but usually light fadeout on day three, I think? But this time, it may have been that day two was a full day like day one, I think. Either way, the thing I do not want now is onions and garlic and ginger or such nonsense while I rebalance. When there was (very present) coronavirus, yes, definitely onions, and I have treated myself to another onionsvaganza extravaganza even recently who knows maybe I was getting a cold - these things happen almost by instinct. And maybe by instinct my mother is needing to infuse her life with these aromas and foods right now whereas I already have a headache and (right on cue, right now I notice my leg and foot tingling painfully, which relates to hampered blood flow) well the headache for me is a very rare - very rare - occurrence and I noticed it one or two hours ago but it's half-gone now, and what I'm saying is low blood, hence no need for the blood-drain foods right now, and - smart girl me - I resisted the urge to eat anyway.
And I was also wondering why I do not speak up. But after writing this I see that I do not speak up because it is not clearcut and easy. These items are not unmitigated poisons, they are medicines actually, for the right person at the right time. I am not one hundred percent against them, in fact I recommend them to myself when an antiviral need arises. I am not forever and always responding negatively to these things, and my response to them is not clearly negative like, I don't drop dead or anything. Who knows, maybe if I spoke up, it would turn out that the food feels bad for somebody else and the overall effect would be to solve a shared problem, although I suspect that the food is very good for my mother and possibly good for somebody else, and maybe in some different pathways it is very good for me as well. Also, I suspect that (I should be looking to try asking, not suspecting - eyeroll) the somebody else's don't care about how their function might be changing in such seemingly minor ways in response to food. It must be something going on with my mum, I mean in her body; we had been out of this for a while now and eating well, but now we're back. (Edited one hour later: Now I remember, yes, she went to the dentist five days ago, she had a procedure - had a whole tooth removed, and has been taking medicine since and also likely managing pain, without showing signs outwardly. And a piece of the mystery is solved!)
Now I feel well, no headache. I'll eat a little more yam, drink a bit more water. One of these days I'll buy myself some of the foods I need. Actually, I already have stuff around the house that I like. I made a spice paste weeks ago - contains Indian-style dried beans and spices aka masala powder - that I haven't been using. Actually, the first thing I thought this morning had been to warm a can of cream of chicken soup for myself. I'm no longer in the mood for that now, but you can see the direction my appetite is leaning - chunky foods, fats, skins - chicken skin, fish skin, creamy, normal, a little salt and sugar not excess - up from my usually close to zero salt and sugar lol, hmmm, it just occurred to me now that the medicine I need is a bottle of tomato juice, that would rehydrate me right back to life...although it's easier to not go shopping now, since rest is medicine too, another thing I would want is like a cup-a-noodle thing - you know, with rice or noodles and spices and you do hot water with it to make a broth yummm the salty spices at the end make you feel your joy restored, ... and maybe cheetos.
Even before the period though, and don't read this if you don't like "too-much information" about bodily functions, I'd noticed 1. pooparella, as in I don't normally shit/poopoo/"use the toilet" often, I poopoo infrequently in normal life, but I noticed I poo-poo'd a few times, maybe once daily a few days in a row, not that I was ill or that it was diarrhoeal or anything, I attributed it to my having eaten a lot of granola (raw grain, oats stuff) and I'm sure there was another reason. And it occurred to me that I should eat more things like granola, and that such things make me happy, and that although I love milk and milk products, my body was probably not liking it. Guess what, thanks to the yam, and the water, I'm due to poopoo again now. Nice. I hope I don't become an average poopoo-er, I was proud of my identity as a no-poop soldier. Hahaha. 2. The other thing I noticed was a ginger chunk, in my food some days ago but I just ate the food anyway but I wasn't happy about it but maybe forgot about that. 3. Also I'd been feeling dehydrated for many days, like for instance, I'd been cracking my joints/bones - how do you say it - not only in my feet, ankles and so on, but also now in strange places back, shoulers, neck, hips, if I'm remembering this correctly. Terror: does that mean I'll have bad posture when I'm old?
After this post, I'll be more aware and rehydrate. The things I'm writing about may be relatively minor shifts in a body's program. Also, I assume that they are shifts for the better, even though in reality they may be neutral.
The weather is back to normal, yippee. We have rain, we have sun, and the incredible cold of the past months seems to be over - it was maybe 2*Centigrade below normal daily range of 27 degrees +/- 4, but for a sensitive babe like me, that is cold at night. (Editing one hour later: it is still cold.) Soon I'll start to feel uncomfortable with the heat. Hmmm, should I remove these curtains? They were nice when it was cold, but now I want nature and ventilation, and maybe that is what my body is trying to tell me...I need fresh air? YES. and more light. Adjust to the changing weather and throw the curtains open? yes to that too. Because they are linked, how you're breathing (and I think I don't breathe very well because my body is protesting the nonsense air quality essentially of the world so it just tries to operate without air) and your metabolism, your blood activeness and your general hydration levels. And digestion and mental function. I'm stopping now. One Love.