Monday, October 31, 2022

Why don't I talk?

There are many good reasons I don't speak up, and one is sometimes waiting to see if anyone will agree with me.  I'm not just talking to talk, or talking to provoke or whatever - there are so many ways that people talk, some are to-love! some repel me.  
But anyway, 
there's a public message in my phone with big fat fallacies and I could reply but meh, why bother.  If it was mildly fallacious, maybe, but if it's just __, if the writer couldn't bother to be 99% reasonable, or 95, maybe ignore and leave the complaining to others who would certainly speak up.  

Another message in my phone included a bit on how noise pollution is a problem to be tackled in my area... - YES, ABSOLUTELY, I agree - harassing the club(s) to turn their music down - NOPE.  The loud music to me is mostly beautiful.  For me, the noise pollution is from all our machines.  People have pumping machines and fantastic water pumping/processing contraptions and every single house around here does water for - I mean, one or two are whirring loudly right now, another horrific one just stopped minutes ago - and every home pumps water and then because they can afford it, or because they miss the generator noise these days - yes, people truly love certain big noises - they have further pressure pumps or something, and this happens every day, with three houses directly pumping their noise to me, and our own house, the fourth practically piping the noise to my head.  

So, Generator noise.  Water pumping noise.  All o' them crazy noises gotta go.  
Neighbourhood music on the other hand - as long as they have great taste 😋 delicious...delightful.  And they do have nice taste.  
Phew.  Every time a pumping machine stops, like again JUST NOW, it's a taste of paradise.  Oh no, can you hear that?  It's another's a float-switch operated pump further to the pumping machine that had just got done, and it switched on with its own exotic whooshing sound for several seconds and then stopped.  It's in a neighbour's house and it just steals quality of life, all the time.  

I could talk about more things now, for example my voice, it seems like it's getting bad these days, like I need to drink water or something, but I feel it's more something with air more than something with hydrating, though both are related, and everything is related lol.  Ok, good point, maybe if I just talked occasionally, the voice would get more spry and lively.  As it is now, I noticed that at the throat level, not even the chest level now, I can't really sing nicely, like the throat is not supple, but it's not water it's circulation, like I'm not getting enough air, (wait a minute - I just checked and my voice is working beautifully this morning, it sounds rather beautiful - what changed?  I ate?  I slept well?  I'm not overtired?  I slept face-up and got good air?  Wow.  Ok. But I already wrote all this...Ah, I talked yesterday.  Laughed and talked the day before that.  Loosened up the voice. But I'm keeping this whole blogpost about all the nitpicking at the health of my voice and airways )  like my nose/mouth something in there is keeping me perennially starved for air...bad posture would do that to you too, but I don't hunch over the laptop - I even use a "standing desk" often, so while opening up my shoulders and pulling my head up could get more air, I don't think that's where the biggest matter is.  It's more that I'm not breathing big, and that is more from the fact that in my nose somewhere the airflow is not happening big.  And my suspicion is that it's because the curve of the roof of my mouth is changing (I imagine it's rising slightly, reducing the nasal air space), changing slowly since the time I got upper molars removed some years ago... But even before that, I've not been the biggest breather, you know, I can push my nose up or push it down and instantly get greater airflow through my nose so it's true that there's a nose-level block here, and another reason I don't take in so much air is that my body simply hates the air, because you see that when I'm in superlatively fresh air like on a forest hike or in ocean air or something, my whole respiratory mood changes, like, yeah, this is air worthy of my lungs.  I'm an air snob.  

Not breathing big - that also has to do with being generally unrelaxed as a person.  I mean musculo-skeletal.  Whether it is cause or effect it's not clear, but I hold my body in a controlled way, I don't just let it be, so I think that goes with holding my breath a little, all through life.  You can see why I could not run, because  1. I was busy controlling my carriage in a way that overused energy for sure and 2. I was also tense and not remembering to breathe big to feed my body during the run.  When I did manage to get the run done one time, it was because someone had advised me to focus on my breathing, so I just breathed and breathed and it was ok.  That was twenty-something years ago and I've only run at most five times since.  I'm smiling because yes, run for what?!    (I am hunched over my laptop now haha.  The standing desk thing is better, hope I remember to use it more.  I'm thinking how even with the standing desk one is not standing chest-out head-high and what activities should I do to get a serious soldier-stance for most of the day because it is so good for my breathing. )    But yes, like I was saying, how much air people get in their bodies, how their bodies are designed to take in, use up, air and so on, all the little things that control who we are and what we do.  

 Oh, I forgot to mention the most important bit, relating to, erhh what was ittt?  Ah, that I recently found out that the key to breathing for me, is to breathe out.  Like you know when they teach you to breathe big and they always start with an inhale, as in breathe in...breathe out - but I can't really, there's just no space there for me to inhale into - well, it turns out like I always say, people are different and I'm all about the exhale.  I can force a large exhale reasonably fine, and then that at least creates the potential for me to do a decent inhale.   And if you're overanalytical, you may say HOLY COW - that is the most zen thing ever.  Whatever zen means - some kind of lesson on giving versus receiving, giving to receive, something like that.  People are different.  

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1 comment:

t said...

Just have to remember to go back to using my standing desk, and even better, the standing desk with balance ball, since that makes me look up at a high angle etc.

The other thing I'll like to add is I like the noise of children at play. Lived next to schools and mostly like the noises, although I found sometimes a person (adult, not child) whose voice I really could not abide, and very strange but another sound that ruined me each time was of the teachers saying what turned out to be a certain child's name. Needed serious fortification, to learn to withstand what those syllables do to jar me.
Now a phone just rang - not mine - and that specific ring-song used to cause me great suffering but nowadays I can ignore it.
At one school, the drumming in the morning at assembly - didn't bother me, rather made me happy. But the parties, like when they let out the space, the school, for a wedding reception? Sometimes that was maddeningly loud - I used to just pray for their generator to die. They had to be so loud to be louder than the gen. 😂 Actually parties can be painfully loud - painfully loud - and I would probably be complaining about the club music if I didn't live so far away from the source, like many houses away.