Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Celebrate in advance

Get to know
The popular Show Dem Camp (SDC):
Feel Alright ft. Poe and Boj

Happy Weekend ft. Kid Konnect

Ewele ft. Ms. Iye

The venerated rap-duo Show Dem Camp - Ghost and Tec:


Clone Wars 2

There's still the collaborator ShowDemCamp:
with Jesse, MI, BlackMagic, The Collectiv3, Falz, many great African women in music...not to mention The Dreamer Project

The Afropolitan ShowDemCamp.

The...

They have more sides than a geometry test :)

Get caught up on their work - really some of it is hard to find because dropped all over the place like goat pearls but if you're like me you'll enjoy the challenge - and get ready for their next project.

I think it's this summer, and I think it's a Clone Wars Volume 3 tape or something?

Now get caught up on OluwaJesseJagz.  I think his next album is this summer too; I just know.  The last one was a surprise and it was super-duper-awesome.  Just, really, a feast, in every way.
Jesse Jagz of the thousand nicknames and fittingly, Gemini, is the greatest: the only artist to appear twice on my top-five music video feature.
No seriously.  Fela - dead.  Bob Marley - murdered.  By this skinny kid from Jos, Nigeria named Jesse Abaga.
Nothing left to prove, in my opinion.
What will he do next?  Maybe go for the sound of cash-registers credit alerts?  Serve us a new story-brand-swag-persona?  Open up our heads and put the truth inside?  Add some honey to his sound and make it so confectionately ours?  I don't know, I don't know.  I do know that I am not setting myself up for a crash to reality because the reality is Jesse is astounding. 

AdVertIseMent: Read my books.
The crazy thing is omgggg so much great music and art in Nigeria.  I can't wait for the rest of this experience.
This is one video that didn't move me at first.
So while it's great fun, it's not even his best.
S h u d d e r.

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

My Nigerian Brewery

All sorts brewing in my freezer at the moment:

I drank a boozy mango-ginger drink last night - it was ordinary spiced puréed mango when I bought it.
Then I tried my usual watermelon-pineapple drink today and of course that was mildly fermented too, pineapple takes very little time to start - acid, something like that.  You can explain it to me.  Sugar, little things (bacteria?) feed on it and release alcohol/ethanol?  Yeast for bread? 
I still have some delicious zobo in there and maybe one more bottle of pineapple-watermelon.
Zobo is bright red, so when I open it, have to be careful not to spray the whole room.  I once sprayed my backpack and furniture with kunu. Sprayed a man on the bus with zobo :( just a little bit. 

To the best of my knowledge, I had power at some point yesterday, maybe 24 hours ago, so it appears the freezer has thawed out fast.  It's also interesting that it builds up water and ice nowadays...I looked online for that problem but didn't understand the explanation...some sort of blockage in some little pipe and that stops the built-in defrost mechanism, sounds easy enough.

I learned the other day that my fabulous plumber is a wack electrician.  Yeah he can change a lightbulb, but once I had him change a light-switch (months ago when he was doing this and that about the house) and he did it upside down.
So now for two of my switches 'on' is 'off'.
He is a terrific plumber though.  (Experienced.  Excellent, logical, etc.  Very orderly mind.  Good process.  You know how much I love a beautiful mind and hate how girls/women often neglect logic. )  I've heard two people who use plumbers a lot and on large projects say similarly good things about him.  
But he's taught me an important lesson about specialization, else I would have someday asked him to check out the wet fridge.  Leaving it that way for now just means I have to empty the defrost tray once or twice a week before it starts leaking water into the fridge and onto the carpet - that happens a lot, and it's not a huge problem, bigger things in life...

For now there's no electricity so no worries about frost.
All I have to do is keep eating so I can empty the place out.

It's only been about one day without, so of course it could be that there's no problem.  I mean, power could return before I hit the full stop at the end of this sentence.
Or not.
The great development is that for once we have some sort of warning: Power supply in more danger as Ikeja Electric exits talks with Labour, in yesterday's news via NewsBuka.  No seriously, this is a move in the right direction, warn us of impending woes.  I've always felt like news organizations should tell us exactly these things.  Are we gonna have power?  When?  Publish a schedule. 

For those who are now frightened and will like to run generators to disturb the nights and share their pain, here's a warning for you too: FG lied, fuel scarcity to end in May  also via my NewsBuka, subscribe.

So at least you can plan: 
Buy a pack of candles.  Book a month in a hotel.  Oh wait: 'Hotels' sometimes literally 'home away from home' hehe.  Make friends with $erious people, or just jet out to, I don't know, Cotonou, Lomé, Accra?  I recommend taking up new hobbies, like farming in your backyard.  You don't have a backyard?

Good luck, everyone.  It's never as bad as it seems.  Back to re-watching my Legal/Political Philosophy videos. 
  
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Monday, April 04, 2016

I don't know what I'm doing

...I don't know what I'm saying 
I don't know why I'm watching all these white people dancing 
- Rufus Wainwright (This Love Affair, alternate video) 

#3 - black skin tone


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 Forgetting to sign my latest paintings/drawings, uh-oh.  

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Tips for old people at concerts

I had fun at GidiCulture yesterday.
Basically I love the outdoors and I'm always indoors, so it was fantastic and chill to be out on the beachsand doing nothing.  People-watching.  

Then the main event started
and this hyperactive em-cee and his 500 minions decided to kick me out: in their bid to get the place more, urr, pumping (oh God why do people say turnt turnt turnt) they turned up the volume till iii was vibrating.
I stepped back and back and back till I was out on the street. :D
The end. 
http://wikitravel.org/en/Easter_Island

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

If you're old like me, the way to handle these things is:
  • Go early, maybe a few hours early, and leave when it gets noisy i.e. when the main event starts?   
  • Afterwards, definitely bitch and complain (call your friendly radio station, start a letter-writing campaign...o right, they have email now - do that too) so that the concert world will change to accommodate the needs of the sane and still-hearing in society.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Current top 12 websites

Twitter
Bellanaija
RealBubbler
Facebook

NewsBuka
UpNaira
KAT
XBubbler

LifeLib 
Instagram 
Swift 
NotJustOK

Those are the suggested sites on my Firefox Home page, based on my browsing history.
Yikes, I'm a blog addict.
#2
Advertisement: Read my books.
###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Saturday, March 19, 2016

These are amazing lines, every time I hear them

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Time for bed, little bee, little bee.  
I will always love you more than you love me.  
- Sarah McLachlan, in Little B 

Every breaking wave on the shore 
tells the next one there'll be one more. 
Every gambler knows that 
to lose 
is what you're really there for.  
- Bono/U2, in Every Breaking Wave 
(So...hopelessly tragic.) 

Tell me you love me.  
If you don't, then lie, oh lie to me.  
- Chris Martin/Coldplay, in True Love
(It's the way he sings it that is so moving, searing, touching, haunting.  He really does sound so pitiable.)

Call it magic. 

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Back to back...HITS

I just watched Ordet (The Word) a 1955 Danish film by Carl Th. Dreyer.
And
1. I can't keep it to myself.
2. My life just changed: "if you had prayed to God, He would have answered your prayers."  Ah, true.  Ask, for a change, stoic one.  The answer is yes, really, only maybe sometimes the answer is not yes.  (a paragraph of personal stuff I just deleted.)

Now I really wish to see Rams.
And be a judge at Cannes or the Oscars or any large international film festival / awards programme.
https://www.google.com/search?q=Rams+(film

Yesterday, I watched the zen film Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, ...and Spring.
Please, treat yourself to this film.  
Raise The Red Lantern, from the day before that, was also a complete masterpiece.

In very related news, I decided on the title for Novel #2 - it has changed a few times, but maybe this is the final one, the best one - cutting it down from a bevy of twelve main characters to just four.  That way less rambling, more story.  It will be short and verrry good.  And I'll do a rework of Three Sisters (Novel #1) too.
It's been many many years of thinking about these people, and I've not been writing, but hey, the book is practically reality.
I've been letting all these other works soak in and influence me and so it's really going to be something wonderful.  Yeah, I'm going to shit a pearl. 

There'll be many unused characters (and drafts) and they'll get recycled into short-stories and maybe one or two into novel #3.  Then no more novels hehehehe.  Just kidding, once you pop you can't stop.
Thank you for feedback on novel #1 so far, I need the feedback, I'll use it, so please send more.  Thanks again.

I've been swimming in muse-ic.  Jill Scott this morning.  India.Arie yesterday.  Madonna.  Great.  Great.  Great.  Lorde.  I want my writing to feel like the Lorde album - heady, pure.  Guess what the Lorde album is called?  Pure Heroine.  Did I just describe it as heady and pure!?  Hey, Cannes?  The ghost of Roger Ebert says...Tosin's really good at this. 

Great films too: you want to see what I've been watching?  HERE.  It's hard to keep these things to myself.  Boring books, I'm reading a Jane Austen-y novel titled The Third Sister, by Julia Barrett.  It's clever, it's slim, it's not going very fast.  If you want to see what else I've been reading - go here.

Also going slow slow slow - anything on Coursera, math-for-myself, Arabic and the languages I want to learn.
https://www.google.com/search?q=raise+the+red+lantern&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

No job starting next week, maybe for a couple of months.  Colleague says I'm actually going on maternity leave, pregnant with a book.  Maybe I'll write one chapter of it, more likely I'll write close to ten chapters.  Then start a job again somewhere gorgeous.  Awh, I'm going to miss my kids.

Did you ever see Avenue Q?  You absolutely have to listen to the audio.  And you have to listen to the award-winning audio for Hamilton, the Broadway musical too.  And tell me which other musical-theater audio I have to get, please, because three shows are better than two.

These things are amazing.  They are simply at the pinnacle and that's the best water from which to drink.
 
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###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Bonus films:
Sometimes the reviewers don't know what they're talking about: these products were really great experiences for me - Home (2015 animated film and soundtrack album with Rihanna) and We Are Your Friends (2015 DJ-music-culture film), ignore the poor reviews.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

MUSIC: Soul Soul Food


Feel Good, by Lira


Life, by Efya

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Of Birds and Bees

Ju: I want a little baby too…everybody I know has one. 
Po: Ask your mummy. 

Ju: Mummy, why do you always say no babies? 
Mo: (Keeps ironing shirts.)

Ju: If you don’t want to do it, I’ll have a baby myself. 
Po: Uh oh.  How do you plan to do that? 

Ju: (Hands Po the phone.)  Now, help me write it in the search place. 
Po: Write what?  “Where do babies come from?” 

Ju: Yes.  How to get a baby. 
Po: Oookay.  Google…search…pornography...ah, here: March of the Penguins.  I think this film will tell us.  Should we put it on the big screen?  Join us, Mummy, and we can make an egg after. 

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Friday, February 12, 2016

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

My top Woody Allen films, so far

Hard to choose, but the first ones I ever saw were Match Point and Anything Else.  Anything Else was offbeat (Christina Ricci) while Match Point was both commercial and sophisticated at the same time.  Top Five, for sure.

I had a Woody Allen-watching binge in 2015, who knows I may have seen ten of his films in one year.  The most arthouse of them, reportedly modeled after Ingmar Bergman, is Interiors.  If you like capital F Film, you must watch this.  If you can't stand sad reality, then avoid.  Woody Allen has a few oft-repeated themes, one of them is what conservative people might tag marriage-bashing.  See Husbands and Wives to continue the education.  What's New Pussycat? to see Peter O'Toole join the fun.  It's a very old film and took me several tries to stop falling asleep.    Hollywood Ending if you want to see true love win in the end - no, you won't fall asleep.

Before the binge, I saw and loved Midnight in Paris.  Then the binge gave me two related experiences that I love just as much: Magic in the Moonlight + The Purple Rose of Cairo.  Mmua, all three of them. Mmua. 

My binge started with finally getting to the end of Vicky Cristina Barcelona.  It's an interesting film because, this guy knows how to romance places - Barcelona in this case, because he knows what to do with Scarlett Johansson (or ScarJo just plain always knows what to do; be good, bad, dangerous, imperfect, and alluring on film), because Javier Bardem looks the way he does, because Penelope Cruz sounds the way she does, and because it's generally not alright in real life to share romance in the way this movie depicts.  

I think I've seen Whatever Works in a theater, though I'm fuzzy on details like Anything Else.  They must have been alike, with a very good lead actor playing a very jaded or rebellious character that makes untraditional choices for their sexual relationship(s).  I almost forgot about Manhattan.  It must have been like Husbands and Wives, but with less drama.  A Russian student had his (Woody's) attention, I think.  Love and Death had more colour and more Russian and more explicit humour; a very theatrical experience, even if the story line evades me.   

To Rome With Love I think I saw without subtitles - oops.  I ditched Take The Money and Run because it seemed super-stupid; not my genre.  The critics always say Annie Hall is his greatest, guess I'll have to watch that again.  It seemed funny, quirky, and romance-y enough.

Next, I'm going to see Fading Gigolo (I hear it's boring, un sympathique petit film as someone called it - which is often my thing), and New York Stories (I hope he's in his element in his city.)  Then maybe Play It Again, Sam and Paris-Manhattan will be next?
https://www.google.com/search?q=best+woody+allen+films&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8


Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Thursday, December 31, 2015

My top five music+video experiences of 2015

1. "untitled", by Kendrick Lamar

Kendrick Lamar performed an Untitled song on the Colbert Report, December 2014
just before completely owning the music of 2015

2. Awww, by Di'Ja

Puppy love, awww...

3. Uptown Funk, by Mark Ronson (featuring Bruno Mars)

Shake it, but please don't break it.

4. Adventure of a Lifetime, by Coldplay

A for effort.

5. Watch Me, by Silentó

This counts as gym time.

Have a brilliant year!

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Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here### 

Bonus:
Kendrick Lamar on youtube with videos off the Butterfly album "i", King Kunta, Alright, For Free, and These Walls leading the way;
in stunning live performances on Stephen Colbert's shows, at the Kennedy Center, with Ellen DeGeneres, at the Grammy and BET awards;
and fairly stealing the show as a featured artist with Jidenna, Taylor Swift, Chris Brown, and other friends.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Wake me up when it's all over

This is what we've been going through:
http://www.timeanddate.com/weather/nigeria/lagos
Very dry weather, with humidity plumbing levels below 20% daily, which is more or less outside the range of experience according to this graph.
 Climate data for Ikeja/Lagos, Relative Humidity in %
Average Max (blue) and Min (brown) with percentile bands 25th-75th (dark) and 10th - 90th (light)
 A lot of people
- feel cold, like in any desert, the temperature ranges wider now that it's dry - colder nights/mornings, hotter afternoons.
- can't stand the dust and pollution.  Sometimes I can taste sand. 
- have actually got colds, the flu or such.  I have.  I ended up taking medicine. 
-  feel super hungry.  Last week was the worst - I just had to keep eating.  It felt crazy to be hungry every hour or two, but what could I do?  Some people just report feeling thirsty. 
- don't want to get out of bed.  I'm sure it's for times like this that our more organic-living brethren (including the burrowing crew) discovered hibernation.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/human-hibernation-hypothermia.html
Biologically, we would probably do well to shut it down and get back to the business of money and such in January.  But we have calendars to run.

I feel lazy.  I feel like King David, walking through the cold valley of the dark shadow of harmattan.  In two weeks, I will break through to the other side.  I fear no evil.  This too shall pass.  

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Charmed to be in the blog neighbourhood

People are still doing this blog thing.

This is what happened when I clicked the relic "Next Blog" link at the top of this blogger page: Blog 1, which led me to Blog 2, Next Blog 3, Blog 4, then Blog 5.

Their themes -
art: illustration, painting, photos, technique, babies and children.  

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Friday, November 27, 2015

I'm Poe

Nigeria's very own.
http://www.africanhhb.com/2014/11/lets-meet-poe.html
Poe.  Africa's finest.  What - you don't like tall, dark, and handsome?  Ok, hear him on this utterly adorable track: ADORE HER.  Video coming soon, I bet. 


Eye candy gigs: He's in that music video for Awww, with Di'Ja ; and Marry Me, with Falz and Yemi Alade starring as the hilarious couple at Poe's wedding.
Then he's in his own videos, like New Era and Ko Ye Won.  What are the words to describe this rap style tho'?  Calmly confident?  Yeah, he's a Taurus kid alright.
We Taureans Rule!
http://notjustok.com/2015/01/31/poe-notjustok-hype/
The Lord has blessed me with bars 
but what he did with my patience?  I don't know.  
- in The Island (from the Icarus EP, long time ago)

He has this really smooth mellow vibe on mature tracks like Slow It Down and Feel Alright.  Call it Palm-wine music.  The dude real name Ladipo Eso, sometimes @Ladipoe online, is a poet, a bit like Edgar Allan hehehe. Besides music and flow, he also (apparently) loves the gym, the books, and healthcare.

He has a tiny bit of a naughty side "get in that Benz you Sexy Bitch"
but he's so smart and everything that your mother would completely approve of him,
or want him for herself ;)
No seriously.  He's like Madonna's next protégé or something. 
http://culturecustodian.com/custodian-interview-poe/
They say abeg do this 
  say abeg do that 
Abeg, Guy, Fuck you!  I'm above all that.   
- in TOMORROW (TAP Season, coming soon)

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Wrestling in real life


“Those small boys beat you, and you are crying?” Aunt said, then gave her permission to beat them back next time.  “Let them also cry and go and tell their parents.” 
The boys did not disappoint; the next time she was down the street one yelled “baby girl” in that accent, his brother said “my fine-fine wife” and one of the two flicked an African almond fruit at her.  It made contact, which was what she had been waiting for. 
She rushed at them with the fury of a creaking lorry. 
“Pow!” and one of the boys was on the ground.  The other she tripped with her knee to the back of his leg – Taekwondo.  He dragged her down with him, but her free hand, then the other hand, went to his throat.  “Say sorry,” she said, between massive gasps. 
As the other boy landed blows on her back, she only pushed down harder and repeated her demand, “say sorry!” in a voice now transformed into a witch-like howl. 
“Sorry.  Sorry.  Chi-hu-so sorry.”
The fighting stopped.  A lizard nodded.  Before getting up, Chibuzo wanted assurance.  “Which one of you will stone me again?”
“Just leave my brother alone,” said the younger, while his brother caught his breath.  “We will never disturb you again.” 

I wrote this fight last month and submitted it for a flash-fiction prize (the Etisalat prize), but it appears to have disappeared from the contest, so I'm posting it myself.  

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Be a clown, be a clown, all the world loves a clown

Musician Falz is a complete idiot.  I can only aspire to such levels of, em, stupor. 
https://www.google.com/search?q=be+a+clown+cole+porter
www.instagram.com/tosinbird
Watch
Me
Try
in
These
Text
Skits

+ Day +One: In which I (tosinbird)
 track down Folarin, the Barrister Lawyer, aka Falz the Bahd Guy, on social media
 and proceed to make a fool of myself

#1 Storming instagram: In which I
1. cry and  cry
2. let those floozies know that I am Senior Teacher, his Legally Wedded Wife.

#2 Home alone: In which I
recruit Michelle Obama to watch over my precious hubby while they're working in the Arabian desert. 

#3 Couple's prayer: 
In which I pour out my heart regarding my needs -
  twins and the action required to get the twins,
  gifts like flight tickets and an iPhone-with-camera,
  and le good work, because h'am need it, hallelujah.

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Monday, November 02, 2015

The freedom to thrive, not merely to be, AND a fun-tastic analysis of freedom in marriage

"Negative liberty is the freedom from interference by other people.  FREEDOM FROM..."
"Positive liberty is the possession of the power and resources to fulfill one's own potential.  FREEDOM TO..." 
Wikipedia / Google

States do both of these things:
1. help secure my negative freedom, for example by deterring rapists, robbers, and assassins from attacking me
2. reduce my positive freedom, with laws, laws, laws.  This is forbidden, that is required, and the other is punishable by imprisonment. 
This bargain I accept to some extent, realizing that nothing good comes free.
 
Not only states, but other authorities have dual impacts on my freedom. 
For example:
Positive liberty postponed: School would sometimes give you future power in the form of knowledge in exchange for current boredom - restricted movement, restricted course choices, restricted hobbies/activites. 
Negative liberty sacrificed: As a public figure, like a politician or a celebrity, strange people lay selfish claims to your time and personal space.  You have to care or pretend to care about trivial things, pick up the phone, sign an autograph, endure gossip and slander.  In exchange, you gain power. 

Positive freedom is the freedom to thrive, not merely to be!  (Poetic, huh?)
............
(Because the instruction says feel free to be creative with this post,) here's one more example:  

Marriage can increase freedom in many ways:
- by providing food, home, peace, caring, and money, one feels "settled down" and no longer buffeted by a harsh world.  In fact, mapping out one's own home-territory is the ultimate in negative freedom  
- by supporting each individual's activities towards achieving life's potential
- by creating opportunities for collaboration between the married people, including the making of children, but also other social, spiritual, economic, and creative collaboration.  
 
But marriage can take back what it gives:
- it is a possessive relationship in which people lay claim to each other - MY husband, MY wife , for LIFE !
- it may feel like unpaid labour and slavery for one or more parties (excessive cooking and housework, excessive scolding and abuse, excessive financial or other demands),
- it may restrict activities that can be carried on while married (cultural need to spend inordinate amounts of time together, less interaction with other people, can't learn new things and can't change freely without considering the effect on spouse, can't move to a new country without carrying family along, in some cultures you can't marry other people, in some others you can't freely befriend or relate with other people)
- it may take away your food (half if you share one income and are poor, more when you have children), home (when you lose it in a divorce), peace (when you fight), health (the stress of living with someone you can't stand, the sharing of diseases ), caring (jealousy makes your closest partner your deadliest foe) and/or money (costly marriage ceremony, large expenses in marriage, costly divorce proceedings)

Conclusion: choose wisely, and good luck ;) 

Note: I wrote this for a quick assignment in Alexander Guerrero's Coursera + U.Penn. Legal and Political Philosophy course.  Coursera can be so much fun!  (And loads of work.)

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Friday, October 09, 2015

Nigeria time (GMT +1)

Finally changed the time zones for publishing my blogs :) Three of five used to be stamped with Pacific/California time, one with local Lagos time, while this blog used to publish from Cairo.  Took me how many years to switch?

You should check them all out:  NewsBuka for Nigeria community and governance news and commentary.  UpNaira for business and financial, money and development.  REALbubbler for entertainment, arts, culture, and lifestyle.  XBubbler for mathematics, analysis, and education.  And this (LifeLib) for whatever I want, since 2004.
  • You should check them all out now and return regularly.  
  • I'm speeding up the metabolism on NewsBuka, trying to make it a debate-friendly space, that is, to build a community of hangers-out not just passers-through.  
  • Something's wrong with the format on UpNaira, the links are coloured too light and I can't find the right balance - to bold or not to bold, to contrast with the black font or contrast with the white background, to increase font size by how much - for readability.  
  • REALbubbler is as cheesy as you like, design-wise, but at least it's very bold and unique.  In my view, it's not just a lazy entertainment feed, it actually trains you to be creative.  Here's a guarantee - if you gorge on REALbubbler even half as much as I do for a few months, you will become a more competent creative mo-fo, or your no-money back.  
  • I'm addicted to REALbubbler: I smoke my own dope.  In fact, I assembled it for myself first.  2011.  Broke at work, had to do something before I killed someone.  It was an inspiring job, a great time all around.  That's how one of the key stories of my novel started too - I was angry and wrote a tale of a love triangle in which the annoying person was spurned for their 'subordinate',  with me of course cast as The Center Of The Universe - Zuzu the nurse. 
  • I nearly ruined XBubbler because I made a klutzy address change six months ago that cost about 90% of traffic.  If somebody else had done that to my darling math blog - fire.  If the world really needs my math blog, the visitors will come back. 
  • You know, sometimes I read business/productivity articles about the need to delegate and um, guess that's not what I've been doing.  I have instead a need to automate, to delegate to inanimate objects.  Thank you, engineering school.  Thank you, blessed congenital laziness.  As for delegating to humans, well, I do have a need to inspire, motivate, and go home happy knowing that all these other people would do the right thing.  
That's me
making the internet a better place. 
You're welcome.  
  
My fridge smells.  There's an unopened pack of 'frozen' cauliflower in the freezer but who knows why there hasn't been electricity for the fridge for a day or longer.  None of my business anyway, it'll come back.  The inverter is doing its merry thing so I can still play music and live normal and there's water.  Some people say when they hear of my beautiful life: it's like you don't live in Nigeria.  Nna, no be me, na God. 

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Listening Party: Hear Ye!


Nao Yoshioka - Make The Change

GOAT - It's Time For Fun


Tinariwen - Imidiwan ahi sigdim

Advertisement: Read my books. ###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Deskgram

I decided to add instagram to the long list of stuff I use on the internet.  Had to borrow my sister's cracked-screen phone to do it because, get this - while you can ogle nice photos on laptop/web instagram, you can't get an account that way.
Ouh-kay.
So I have an account.  Today I decided to add a fabulous photo.  Asked google how, since instagram wouldn't let me - my 'membership' means I can comment and like (heart), that's it.  Found out about BlueStacks App Player in a comments section of a how-to article.  The program works by creating a false phone environment on your regular computer so that you can run phone apps, including Instagram.

In the middle of installing that, I found another option in the same comments section - Deskgram.
It's the more intuitive answer - I just want to bloody post a picture and don't really need all the firepower offered by the general app player.  I don't want the ability to also use the app stores to get any app in the world or whatever.
Deskgram also appeals to my need to not 'learn' Android.  I mean, I just want to post a bloody picture.

I never learned to navigate an Apple Mac, or iPhone iPod iPad.  I never learned the jumpy-screen Windows-after-Windows7 experiments.  I think it was called Vista or something?  Windows, then Vista.  View through the window.  Seriously. 
Thankfully Windows 10 is bringing the 'Start button' back.  Like seriously, you need to figure out how I'm using the computer and match that, or wait till I get round to testing your new UI idea pro bono.
It costs quite a bit of mindspace to learn a new interface like this phone thing with its scrolling swiping, autocorrect, and all that jazz.  Even if the new interface is pretty.  Very pretty.  It's worth downloading BlueStacks just to see this prettiness: for example, instead of the status bar while you wait for your download (2.2% completed etc) you get a slideshow of gorgeous screenshots of the games (Angry Birds and such) you'll soon have access to.  Time flies while you're having such fun.

But now I'm going to uninstall bluestacks.  The application required my google password.  Which makes me feel insecure.  That's like, really private information.  Like, would you 69 on a blind date?  Deskgram only needs my instagram password.  That's a handshake - I'd share that with anybody.
http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20150625-where-algebra-was-invented
Now let me go and add this picture, abeg. - @tosinbird
There are lots of other things to gripe about, but I'd better pace myself :)  :D
Like, think: 
How did phones become flat - whose idea was that?  So we evolved from 3D serpentine to rectangular blocks?  I find myself wishing for product design to take over that space.

And how many phone-makers put the typewriter-keyboard on the screen. Ouh-kay, I guess that works for some people.  I like the classic/physical keypad a la Blackberry, so I can work. 

I do love the fact that they now have colours.  Loved that from the minute I saw it, Nokia-now-Microsoft.

Oh, and how useless are the banks in this country?  Reliably useless.  I constantly forget that.
  
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Friday, August 21, 2015

everybody's screaming Compton

...Stick a flag in my city - everybody screaming Compton - I should pro'bly run for mayor when I'm done, to be honest...
- Kendrick Lamar (King Kunta)

Veteran musician Dr. Dre has just released a music album and movie about that scary 'hood.
Compton, where Yetunde, big sister of Venus and Serena Williams was killed in a mindless drive-by shooting.
I remember when my little sisters wanted to go out to Compton for a New Year's party.  Or was it Carson?  They'll remember it as Fun December 2004.  Anyway, no, anywhere but there, sweeties.  Y'all 'bout to give me a heart attack :) so I shepherded them to a party in the whiter, bourgie-r, safer hillside town of Altadena.

Maybe I'll see the Straight Outta Compton film at some point, and try out the music too, but meanwhile here's the effect these hip-hoppers have had on media interest in "Compton"
https://www.google.com/trends/explore#q=compton%2C%20Nigeria%2C%20Africa&cmpt=q&tz=Etc%2FGMT-1
Google Trends: Compton (in blue) is ten times more popular than, basically, ever
For comparison, at the top (yellow) is Africa and in red is Nigeria, both of which spike in popularity for football and only for football - L and M coincide with the 2010 World Cup hosted by South Africa, while G marks the 2014 World Cup where Nigeria almost made the quarterfinals.
Right now, Compton (population ~100,000) is a bigger deal than Lagos (population > 20 million) and even Nigeria, and all because of a movie.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compton,_California
Wikipedia: Compton is youthful 'working-class' and black, but has produced great musicians

There's a lesson here: it's so easy to build a city.  Keywords: Lekki.  Ikeja.  Oregun.  dot-biz.  Chambers of Commerce.  I'm just saying, let's BE the local government we want to see. 

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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Dance Party: Timbuctu Nights

Black Beat Noir Negro Alf Laila Leggo!


Tonight by Bigiano


Ewele by ShowDemCamp (SDC)


Crazy by Seyi Shay (ft Wizkid)

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Friday, July 03, 2015

over-sharing highlights from one year ago

Tomorrow is July 4th, which means that one year ago we were in Barcelona for little sister K's wedding.
It was just this morning I finally "created" a virtual museum post on REALbubbler, so now, excited about the coincidence, I checked my little book and found that woah, indeed, on Day 6 of that trip, July 3rd, in the morning, among other things I'd hung out for hours at the Catalonia History Museum.  Yep, the one I lovingly nicknamed The Museo Nacionale de Fake Shit.  The one that inspired me more than anything else I saw in that town - I said, wow, these people make something out of nothing, every time, while losers make excuses.  You know how in developing (or non-developing) countries, it's always blah blah due to the issues of inadequate this and non-availability of that and low funding and lack of capital...  Now, these people made a museum with very few valuable artifacts; most of the exhibits were replicas or reproductions of the originals.  Kudos to the can-do, get-it-done spirit.  And I came back home and explored the idea of a virtual museum and found a few good examples.

If this was an anonymous blog, here would be more excitement.  (I'll try not to edit too much.)  It is incredible how much I saw and did in just seven days, I mean, I'm incredible, lol.  If I had a decent camera, I'd just photograph the short pages of my notes to show you.  Am I the only person left who doesn't carry a cracked-screen phone complete with video camera and Candy Crush?

Ok, here's the summary page at the end of my 10 pages of notes from the trip:
Highlights
  You know I loved a boy.
  My father loved our date.
  The wedding was lovely.
  The croquette at the wedding reception.
  The kiss that sanctified air.

Lessons
  I speak beginner to intermediate Spanish.  Better than I thought.  
  You can charge admission to a museum of fake shit.  Maybe even an online museum.

Wow, so much to explain all at once.  Where do I start?  No, I don't even remember what sanctifying air means, but it must have been really something :)  That was Day 3.  By Day 4, I'd been dumped but didn't know it until Day 5 or 6 when I'd been double or triple-dumped.  Day 7, in the final hours, I got my boy back yaaaay, isn't it wonderful when love wins?  We fled to his apartment for a quick chat during his 15-minute lunch break (work work work), the way we talked it technically didn't count [Clinton, 1998] because ehhn, time was short and he was Indian so I didn't see the point, but he was super happy and I was heart-happy and free to skip off to meet my peeps and duck into a bookstore and meet a gorgeous book guy that you already know and do lunch with my peeps and get to the airport.

I don't know what the croquettes were made of, but yum.  That was Day 1, the wedding.  Same day as checking out the local park, big lunch, grabbing something to wear because luggage gone.  Loool because my stylish sisters' luggage gone too, so they couldn't upstage the bride.  Wedding after-party and after-after-party, but I'm a human being after all, I was tired.

I'd actually got food-poisoning on Day 0 and emptied my whole gut in the plumbing at the connecting airport (practiced my Arabic with the cleaner lady who wanted baksheesh, oh dear, just like Nigeria) and hung out at night with the groom's crew from Bilbao right after, so I don't know where all the energy came from.  Guess when you don't have too much money lying about and someone gets you a trip to wherever - thanks mama - you get in there and rock the hell out of it :) 

Day 2, Sunday, I walked throughout Barcelona.  Discovering downtown is like what I was born to do.  In my notebook, I listed: Poblenou/Diagonal, past Torre Agbar and Glories Mall and Design museum, up by Sagrada Familia and Casa Mila (La Pedrera) and Casa Batlo and great buildings with steel balustrade on intricate facades, the shops, outdoor dining, and street musicians on Passeig del Gracia, El Corte Ingles to change money ( $ gift from uncle ) and retrieve my red scarf forgotten yesterday, and down La Rambla.  Don't forget Marilyn Monroe and the erotic museum. S wanted to see my chest, well, to determine my shirt size. Home by 11pm.

By Day 3 I was fit to work as a tour guide; fortunately, my father was willing to hang out with me, so I got to put my skill to use :)  I put my high-heels on thinking it would be some mild walking, then we took public transportation everywhere, but lots of hiking - the park near the hotel, the zoo - sea lion show yippee, then Parc Guell, food and the Nigeria-France world cup match, then Camp Nou closing time.  Then it was night and I sent papa to bed while I went to see flamenco and fall for a local (S from Day 2) and sanctify the air.

Day 5 my feet were finished, so I did nothing but rest and watch TV, but Day 4, I took a different cut across the town.  An hour or two with my mother and lovely sister but we split up because I'd already seen the mall a couple of times - love you very dearly but no more El Corte Ingles for me, so now I did Barri Gotic, a church, the ateliers, got lost and ended up in a sort of rough area and Parc de la Ciutadella, walked the marina still lost, rushed dinner, late to the opera, waited for loverboy who of course had made a point of going out to the W hotel without me because he's an evil Las Ramblas dude lol, so instead I talked to a drunk likely minor drug dealer dude who explained the ecology of Las Ramblas nightlife - the prostitutes, the Nigerians, the tough guys, the whole scam repeating night after night.  That day was the taxi union strike (against Uber) so I had to walk/bus home very late.  Was thinking to go off to Paris for Day 5 but no money, no feet...I let everybody else have the fun for a change :)

Day 6, July 3rd, I had money again and dad said I had to buy stuff so I complied during my walk down to the center of town.  Then as you know, I went to that national history museum.  I didn't mean to go there, I'd thought this was the famed Catalonia Art Museum, was so sure I was an expert in Barcelona, all I needed to do was walk past the marina and the beach.  So it was the wrong place, but it was the right place after all.
Afterwards I asked a local what I should do next because I'd already done everything, so I spent the afternoon at Laberinto d'Horta on the outskirts of town, then did some Gaudi (Casa Mila), went late to my sister's show at fashion week, hung out at this amazing musical instrument shop, and then as my little book has it "Unbelievable: ST stood me up again!  ...I waited 2 hrs.  Got drunk on half a glass of Sangria.  Couldn't eat my dinner."

Day 7: First, to hospital with K (sister) and mum.  Then to La Rambla to think, eat a perfect sorbet (my third - same flavour, same shop) and make up with my beautiful.  It worked.  (...camera fades...) Later, on the flight back, I was in dreamland because (...ok, this is too sappy...) 

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PS
Luggage returned Day 2 or 3.
Reason number three that I didn't go to Paris on Day 5?  ST.  As in, heartbreak.  
I forgot about ST all these months :0

I was also going to write about the future of work - telecommuting (I'm about to try a full telecommute gig) and virtual workplaces (virtual reality, immersion in any place you choose).  Well, now I have.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramon_Casas_and_Pere_Romeu_on_a_Tandem
What I would have seen at the other museum

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Dance Party - the Arab Megahits edition


Amr Diab's Habibi ya Nour El Ain


Nancy Ajram's Ah W Noss


Have there been any dance-y songs bigger?

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Monday, June 22, 2015

Understanding women

Last week in Nigeria gossip blogging was dominated by some circus about... - it's already this week so who even cares?
The same week, I finally watched the first Sex and the City movie and also encountered some circus elsewhere that got me thinking about women and their peculiar madness.
I want answers.
Here are some answers.

First let me get this off my chest: if you want to be beautiful in my book, starrrr, show me some inner beauty.  All that drag-queen bizness may get you tagged as 'stunning', yeah, like he's stunning too.
https://www.google.com/search?q=rupaul&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=CZGHVZipFYrcUcSumpgC&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1157&bih=449

To the point.  Ahem.  Here are some answers.

A chic who wants to understand men can do worse than learn to code. Honest. If you're already clever or mathy, jump right in with Coursera/RiceUniversity 's Python course. If not, here's a baby version. (But women are already right, so they don't need to learn no crude, male behaviour.)

A dude who wants to understand women?
At first I thought there is no formula, but the three women I studied helped me see one thing: CHIC EGO HUGE, BUT their flavour of selfishness is all about how they appear, not the food-clothing-sex-shelter-money they tangibly get. Understand "face" and you understand women.  What is face?  Watch Asian movies, get a Japanese roommate, or read chic lit.  100 hours to change your life. 

You're welcome.

What else do you need to know to live a long and happy life?  I'll let grandpa tell you -

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Thursday, June 11, 2015

Three Sisters, alternative cover images

At lunch yesterday, I was telling a group of my kids (former students) to get Three Sisters, and one of them (I'm pretty sure her name is Tope) said, oh, I think I've seen it about, then proceeded to describe this 2011 magazine cover.
http://morsipr.blogspot.com/2011/11/monalisa-okojiegracesthe-cover-of-tw.html
Monalisa Okojie (front), me, Uneku Atawodi(top)

Hmm, ok, now that you bring it up...it has three sisters like the novel.  Monalisa would have to be Mona since she's the oldest, Neku the young adventurer would be Koko, and me zuzu.

Early feedback from readers: people really love Koko, want more Koko.  My favourite is...I really shouldn't say.  Mona.  The one that makes me cry.  And yes, TheRe WILL Be more Koko, maybe in an additional chapter, an epilogue, or maybe in novel #2 (she'll be in her twenties then.) 

Read my books. You know you wanna.
###Three Sisters, novel #1 here###  Click on the title then download.